After the episode with Knight, I made up my mind to just live for me. Men are too much hassle.....
I went on with life, met new people, tried a few dates here and there but I always had my guards up. Never let them down, I became a skeptic bitch but I loved it. Even rolling with one who was saying to me how he was going to divorce is wife and all..... Went to naija on holiday and all I just keep hearing is the "when are we meeting the man or when are you getting married?" song. I got tired and even had to lie to a few people I was swinging the other way.
I had conversations with friends and they were all convinced that I was not the marrying type. Because I put up a bold and happy face all the time. Even mum got to the point she wasn't asking me questions directly anymore and no one in my house dared ask me about any man or even getting married. I was happy, I had a job, could fly whenever I wanted, I was free and with no baggage and I was loving it.
Suddenly, on my holidays after reading from Knight with no meaningful explanation to our conversation on phone and via email we decided to see once more when we get back to base. For me, I had nothing to lose and it was just going to be another day or night of fun as I knew where he stood. We hooked up immediately he arrived as I had been back before him and we both agreed we missed each other but at the back of my mind, my skepticism was there still on guard. We hooked up again a day later and I just told myself to avoid dwelling on our moments together. My focus was back to work and being me.
Come valentine, I had a call from Knight asking me what I would be doing later on in the day, I was just plain and truthful; swimming I said. I assumed he was going to ask me to come over to his but I was going to thread carefully. This is someone that makes my heart skips a beat anytime I see him and I wasn't ready to fall in love and see me fall deep; I'd rather walk in love ...lol! Saying his reaction after my response was a shock would be an understatement; he actually sent me an email and a long one for that matter, very out of character for him.
I didn't see the email until later in the day towards the end of play. The whole scenario just started becoming clearer. He actually wanted more from the relationship and I didn't realise. He had left the other lady before I saw the pictures at his (and he left her because he realised his heart wasn't with her but me). I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming or concocting this in my mind. IT WAS REAL! I read the email. I being me and wanting to form hard woman responded and said everything I had felt like saying for a long time and concluded that I'd see him later.
His response was don't bother as he wasn't in the mood and I wouldn't open the door for me even if I choose to be stubborn and decides to come over. I had to respect myself after reading the email as I already knew he'd say that when I said I'd be there. It's his ways.
After two full weeks of playing and deliberating on the situation in my mind, I concluded that I had to act fast and see him by all means as I didn't want it to be me pushing the man away. I had wanted him from our first meeting and he has asked himself, I better make a move now before it's too late. I got in touch and told him that I was coming and I will sit outside the door till he opens up (joke). That Friday, I didn't go back home until another 3 days even with my period choosing that Friday to come visit. The feeling of being around the one I have always loved was enough for me and the same was for him. We wend out together, cleaned and cleared up and did a lot of talking and my stance was he had to tell the other lady it was officially over before I can be fully committed.
Life was sweet!
Tuesday 13 January 2015
Are We There Yet?
Life goes on...... I thought I have found the one but I must have imagined it.
So I moved on with my life and I promised myself that I will never fall again..... As usual, a fun loving and hard working girl who tries her best to help everyone around her, i buried myself in my work and other extra curricular activities...planned a friend's wedding, organisied reunion, went out when I could. Met someone else but still found out that wasn't what I wanted....just didn't live up to standard and as I promised myself, I will not compromise on anything! You even find out some just want to take and never give.lay off those ones.
I felt I wasn't getting what I wanted or maybe it was just the fact that I had people who justed me to go for what I didn't want. I decided to go away and hope deep down in my mind that something will happen that will change things. I just wanted a break and a get away from everything, I even considered change of work to a different location other than London.
As I was planning my holiday, I had a text from Knight after which we had a conversation and I promised to see him in a few days even though I didn't mean to. I didn't go and he was upset that I didn't turn up but I promised to stop at his on my way from work forgetting that he said he was travelling a couple of days before me to the states. I stopped by as promised but he had already left for the states. Only took me walking back to the station to remember this.
On this holiday, I wasn't having a good time as my friend I stayed with just wasn't the same person I was with the year before.......I put it down to a lot of factors; could it be because she is married and I am not? Does she see me as a threat because I am slim and she is a lot bigger suddenly? I didn't like the state I saw her in, she was living in a condition that is not expected of the friend I know. I wondered all through my time at her place but I kept my distance and would just lie in bed in the room I was staying and go for a walk or just go window shopping/shopping. As all these were going on, I decided to check my email and there it was; an email from Knight.
I had sent an email to Knight mentioning how I was at his but he was gone and I only realised he traveled on the day I was there. His email mentioned how I snooped around his place (story for another day).
So I moved on with my life and I promised myself that I will never fall again..... As usual, a fun loving and hard working girl who tries her best to help everyone around her, i buried myself in my work and other extra curricular activities...planned a friend's wedding, organisied reunion, went out when I could. Met someone else but still found out that wasn't what I wanted....just didn't live up to standard and as I promised myself, I will not compromise on anything! You even find out some just want to take and never give.lay off those ones.
I felt I wasn't getting what I wanted or maybe it was just the fact that I had people who justed me to go for what I didn't want. I decided to go away and hope deep down in my mind that something will happen that will change things. I just wanted a break and a get away from everything, I even considered change of work to a different location other than London.
As I was planning my holiday, I had a text from Knight after which we had a conversation and I promised to see him in a few days even though I didn't mean to. I didn't go and he was upset that I didn't turn up but I promised to stop at his on my way from work forgetting that he said he was travelling a couple of days before me to the states. I stopped by as promised but he had already left for the states. Only took me walking back to the station to remember this.
On this holiday, I wasn't having a good time as my friend I stayed with just wasn't the same person I was with the year before.......I put it down to a lot of factors; could it be because she is married and I am not? Does she see me as a threat because I am slim and she is a lot bigger suddenly? I didn't like the state I saw her in, she was living in a condition that is not expected of the friend I know. I wondered all through my time at her place but I kept my distance and would just lie in bed in the room I was staying and go for a walk or just go window shopping/shopping. As all these were going on, I decided to check my email and there it was; an email from Knight.
I had sent an email to Knight mentioning how I was at his but he was gone and I only realised he traveled on the day I was there. His email mentioned how I snooped around his place (story for another day).
Friday 31 May 2013
To Marry Or Not To Marry (part 1)
So everyone is asking toe question; when are you getting married? It's always the same question all the time! Can't they just ask if I have been promoted at work or if my salary has been increased? I wonder what the fuss is about!
Rewind many years ago.
Just a young girl living my life and having so much fun with my carefree attitude and the my tomboyish ways. Deep down I was a girl but I loved my ways. Lived like everyone one else and but just didn't find the right guy that cut it for me.
Every time we go for weddings, mum prays that I get married one day too and my reply usually is; and what makes you think I am going to get married? Always said I wasn't cut out for weddings and it's not everyone that will be getting married - I just might be one of them. It was one area I always shy away from. When I had my younger half sibling getting married in 2003, everyone asked the same question about getting married and as usual, my response was the same. Even got to a point, to get people off my back, I tell them I swing the other way and with this, I got people off my back.
When the last of my friends got married in 2006, mum started putting more pressure on me but I got off again......and this time, it was all about my new qualification.....I was more ambitious than anything else. Then, all my friends started asking questions, I started inviting my other married friends to any party or events I was invited to, I had myself doing things to keep me really busy. I tried at all cost not to fall for the so called London boys but there are somethings that can't be avoided. A lot of water passed under the bridge and most of the time, I was lucky to be able to see what was coming.
Fast forward a couple of years to 2008.........I met a man during one of my courses, just liked the fact that he was all quiet and not like the other black guys on the same course. Played my normal self......with my regular one nation jeans that I so love...thanks to Gap, my t-shirt and my boyish looking boots......... Little did I know he (Knight, coined name for him) was admiring me as well. Found out few days down the line he's a Nigerian like me and even Yoruba, making it more interesting. Couple of years down the line, we took the relationship to another level after much avoidance (had no choice but to admit that we were both drawn to each other).
Suddenly, Knight started behaving funny and I just counted him as one of the London Nigerian guys who are just after one thing, lost cause............after much talking and cajoling from him, we got together again but before we could say Amen! I found out by chance that he had gone to have a ceremony with another lady (I wasn't snooping but came across evidence) when he was busy calling me from out there (naija) and telling me how much he misses me.......talk about double life! I immediately made my thoughts known as I left his place even trying to remain as calm as I want to be......I believed I was unbreakable but that really got to me, really did. And at the point, I made up me mind, no more relationships! they (yes, men) are all full of it.....
Rewind many years ago.
Just a young girl living my life and having so much fun with my carefree attitude and the my tomboyish ways. Deep down I was a girl but I loved my ways. Lived like everyone one else and but just didn't find the right guy that cut it for me.
Every time we go for weddings, mum prays that I get married one day too and my reply usually is; and what makes you think I am going to get married? Always said I wasn't cut out for weddings and it's not everyone that will be getting married - I just might be one of them. It was one area I always shy away from. When I had my younger half sibling getting married in 2003, everyone asked the same question about getting married and as usual, my response was the same. Even got to a point, to get people off my back, I tell them I swing the other way and with this, I got people off my back.
When the last of my friends got married in 2006, mum started putting more pressure on me but I got off again......and this time, it was all about my new qualification.....I was more ambitious than anything else. Then, all my friends started asking questions, I started inviting my other married friends to any party or events I was invited to, I had myself doing things to keep me really busy. I tried at all cost not to fall for the so called London boys but there are somethings that can't be avoided. A lot of water passed under the bridge and most of the time, I was lucky to be able to see what was coming.
Fast forward a couple of years to 2008.........I met a man during one of my courses, just liked the fact that he was all quiet and not like the other black guys on the same course. Played my normal self......with my regular one nation jeans that I so love...thanks to Gap, my t-shirt and my boyish looking boots......... Little did I know he (Knight, coined name for him) was admiring me as well. Found out few days down the line he's a Nigerian like me and even Yoruba, making it more interesting. Couple of years down the line, we took the relationship to another level after much avoidance (had no choice but to admit that we were both drawn to each other).
Suddenly, Knight started behaving funny and I just counted him as one of the London Nigerian guys who are just after one thing, lost cause............after much talking and cajoling from him, we got together again but before we could say Amen! I found out by chance that he had gone to have a ceremony with another lady (I wasn't snooping but came across evidence) when he was busy calling me from out there (naija) and telling me how much he misses me.......talk about double life! I immediately made my thoughts known as I left his place even trying to remain as calm as I want to be......I believed I was unbreakable but that really got to me, really did. And at the point, I made up me mind, no more relationships! they (yes, men) are all full of it.....
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